


It's not supposed to be this way

by crazyelf2018



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Also Mikasa swears, Angst and Tragedy, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Swears, Love/Hate, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Romance, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 05:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18403823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyelf2018/pseuds/crazyelf2018
Summary: "You can't always protect everyone you care about," Levi interrupts, shooting her a piercing look. "Sometimes you can't be there. You can't control the decisions they make. Life is a shit storm of random happenstance and you can only control a very small piece of it."





	It's not supposed to be this way

" _What're you cryin' for, Ackerman?"_

 

_Mikasa falls to her knees._

_Her chest constricts, the world stops, as she watches the crimson stain the snow._

 

 

 

_It's not supposed to be this way._

* * *

 

"Humanity's strongest, huh," Mikasa Ackerman mutters before biting into her portion of bread and savagely ripping a piece off with her teeth. "What a joke," she adds, her voice muffled as she swallows the hard lump of bread after hardly chewing it. 

" _Mikasa_ …" Armin hisses. "You really shouldn't speak about the captain like that." 

Mikasa rolls her eyes. She is so tired of the rest of them worshipping the goddamn earth the man walks on. Like it's some  _huge accomplishment_ to have made the  _Levi squad_. 

"Whatever. I could take on that pipsqueak."

Mikasa takes another large bite of her bread and chews on it roughly. But then, catching the looks on Sasha's and Conny's faces as they stare at something behind her, she swallows and grimaces in annoyance. The two of them look like they're about to shit their pants, so that can only mean -

"What was that?"

_Like a motherfucking cat, he is_. 

Mikasa turns in her seat, wipes her arm over her mouth to catch any stray crumbs, and looks their squad captain dead in the eye. 

"Captain."

"So," Levi drawls, his face as impassive as ever, "You can take me on, huh?" 

_Obviously_.

But Mikasa does have some sense and does not _always_ want to start up a conflict, so she remains quiet.

"Care to put that to the test, Ackerman?"  

Now, if _he_ is going to  _challenge_ her…

Mikasa appraises him silently for a few moments before raising her arm, shoving her sleeve up to her elbow, and then resting her elbow on the table, flexing her hand as she holds it ready in the air. All the while, she keeps her gaze focused intently on his. 

Levi raises a brow. "Arm wrestling? What, are we five?" 

"I'm eating."

And she does not particularly feel like getting up, going outside, and having a fist fight on an empty stomach. 

Levi rolls his eyes and she knows that he understands. She kind of hates it, too, how he  _always_ seems to know what she means, without her saying much. 

_You don't know me, asshole_. 

"Fine," he sighs as he steps around the table.

Sasha falls off the bench in her haste to make room for him, while Conny scoots until he is practically in Jean's lap (and then promptly gets shoved back toward their captain). 

Levi settles on the bench opposite her. "But don't come crying to me when this is over and your hand is broken." 

Conny gasps loudly, Sasha lets out a pitiful wail from the ground, Jean spits out his drink, Armin sucks in a breath and shudders next to Mikasa, and Eren gets to his feet on her other side. 

"Sir!" Sasha cries, springing up to catch herself on the table by her arm. "You - you can't just break her hand! Surely you’re joking! …Haha…ha…”

"Yeah!" Eren agrees. "Mikasa's the best damn scout we've got! You'd have to be a -" He stops short. "Well, uh…"

Levi shifts his gaze toward Eren and stares for a moment. 

"I'd have to be a what, Yeager? Do tell." 

Mikasa looks sideways at Eren, teeth catching her lip. As much as she appreciates him showing that he cares, she wishes that Eren would not always jump to her defense so quickly. She can handle herself. It only ever gets him in a heap of trouble when he pulls stuff like this. 

Fortunately, Eren seems to have the good sense to stay out of this one. He clamps his mouth shut, settling for a scowl. 

Really, Mikasa does not know what all the fuss is about. The captain is all talk. Obviously, he would not _break her hand_. 

She is at least ninety percent certain of that. 

Eighty. 

Whatever. Even if he did - well, she would just have to break one of his in return. 

"If Ackerman is fool enough to challenge me, then I am well within my right to deliver the natural consequences," Levi says calmly, raising his arm and resting it on the table just as Mikasa did before. 

"Yeah.  _Natural_ consequences…" Eren mutters darkly. But he sits back down and remains quiet after that. 

"So," Levi says, turning bored eyes on Mikasa. "Are we gonna do this or what?" He wiggles his fingers pointedly. "Because I have more important things to do." 

"Fine, let's go," is her response as she reaches forward to grasp his hand. The captain's grip is hard, so she makes hers like death.  

Armin calls start for them and Mikasa immediately starts pushing, using all of her strength. 

Only, it's a bit harder than she thought it would be. 

Mikasa finds herself staring, perplexed, at Levi's clothed arm.

_Where the fuck is the muscle on this guy? He looks like skin and bone!_

"Is this really how strong you are?" Levi drawls, seemingly unimpressed. He mutters, "How disappointing," under his breath, but Mikasa of course hears it (she is sure he does not mean to keep it to himself anyways) and she grits her teeth in frustration as she gathers more and more of her strength. 

Damn him. He must have worked them too hard earlier. She's too tired. That's it. _Damn_ him. 

"You can try using both hands. If you want." 

And the fucker has the  _gall_ to  _smirk_ after he says this to her. 

"Don't need to," Mikasa grits out, inwardly cursing herself when it comes out sounding more effortful than she was hoping for. 

And it isn't like she's  _not_ making him have to work hard, because she can tell that he is putting a great deal of effort into it, too. But she supposes they are just so evenly matched that neither of them is going to make any headway until one of them starts to grow tired. 

_It won't be me_ , Mikasa promises herself as she narrows her eyes to glare at him. 

Suddenly, after probably a total of a minute, maybe a minute and a half, of struggling with one another, Levi actually  _gasps_ , his eyes widening in uncharacteristic horror.

"Yeager!" 

Mikasa's blood runs cold as panic takes over. 

"Eren?!" she cries, frantically turning to her right to -

\- see that Eren is perfectly fine. He even gives her this pitying puppy-dog pout.

As soon as Mikasa's guard is down, Levi promptly slams her wrist to the table with an excessive amount of force. (It really pisses her off when she realizes that he cannot have been using his full strength before. _Damn_ him). 

"Good game," Levi remarks as Mikasa turns her head back to gape at him. Without sparing her indignant expression a single glance, he stands and walks off. 

" _Phew!_ " Conny sighs, resting his head on his arms on top of the table. "I thought for sure that he was going to break your hand! He seemed so dead serious about it." 

"I  _know_ , right?!" Sasha shrieks in agreement. 

Rubbing her now tender wrist (that showboating little shit), Mikasa glares at the entranceway where Levi just turned down a corridor. 

"Mikasa…" Eren says warningly. 

But Mikasa ignores him and stands up. 

"I'll just be right back."

"Mikasa, don't!" Armin cries as she begins to walk away. 

"You're seriously going after him to pick another fight?!" Jean calls after her back incredulously. 

"Mikasa, he _is_ our squad captain now," Eren hisses, catching up to her. "You don't want to go too far." 

"Don't worry about it," Mikasa replies, wrenching her arm out of his hand when he tries to tug her back toward the table. "I'm just going to have a  _word_ with our dear captain." 

"Ah, shit," she hears Jean say exasperatedly as she walks off, hoping to find Levi before he disappears for the night. 

Fortunately, she finds him after just a brisk jog down the corridor and then a right turn into an adjacent hall. 

"What was that?" Mikasa calls when she spots her superior's back down the dimly light hall. "You can't face me in a fair fight?"

"Not this again," Levi groans quietly. "What piss-poor luck." 

Finally he turns and looks at her with his usual disinterested expression. "There's no such thing as a fair fight, Ackerman.”

Mikasa stops short after taking a few steps closer toward him, but before she can say anything (or even work out what  _to_ say to that bullshit), Levi continues speaking.

"You know, you should be thanking me for the lesson."

"What lesson?" Mikasa immediately spits out skeptically. 

"Someday, this obsession with your boyfriend is going to get one or both of you killed." 

"He isn't my boyfriend." 

"Oh, right. He's more like the helpless little brother who you follow around like a dog because of your unrequited feel-" 

" _What is your point?_ " Mikasa growls. "You think I should just forget about protecting Eren? Because you can save your breath. I will never stop. I would gladly give my life for his."  

Levi stares at her for a moment before he looks down to the floor.

"How loyal of you," he mutters. "But no, I'm not saying that you should just forget about it. By all means, protect the people you love for as long as you can."

He looks back up at her then. "Just don't be a fucking idiot about it." 

" _What_ did you just - ?!" 

"You can't always protect everyone you care about," Levi interrupts, shooting her a piercing look. "Sometimes you can't be there. You can't control the decisions they make. Life is a shit storm of random happenstance and you can only control a very small piece of it." 

Mikasa gapes at him, completely floored that he is actually trying to turn this into some kind of demented teachable moment or something. 

“The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the better.”

This comment has blood running hot in her veins again. 

"I will _always_ be there for Eren. No matter what it takes! Don't you _dare_ try to - !" 

"Alright, alright," Levi says, raising a hand to stop her. "I don't need a whole fucking speech. I see you won't be taking my advice, then. That's fine. Many idiots lead happy lives. Short, but happy." 

Mikasa glares at him and makes the look in her eyes as scorching as she can manage, trying to communicate all the hate she feels in her bones for this man right now. 

"Oh, you don't like being called an idiot? Well, _stop acting like one_ , then." 

Mikasa bares her teeth and curls her fists. 

"Forgive me,  _Captain_ ," she remarks, shaking from her anger, "But why in the  _hell_ do you  _constantly_ have to be such a  _fucking asshole_?" 

Without skipping a beat, Levi replies, "Probably because self-righteous shits like Yeager and arrogant brats like yourself tend to die off quickly. I'd rather be a fucking asshole than dead." 

Mikasa's mouth drops open and, before she can say anything, Levi is turning back around and walking down the hall.

She is still staring after him, trying to contemplate the  _rage_ flowing through her, when he stops at the end of the hall. 

"And for fuck's sake," he says, "Stop lying to yourself about your feelings for the guy. We only have so long to live for, Ackerman." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. This is my first fic for Attack on Titan, so I hope it is enjoyable so far. Would love to hear any thoughts :)


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